slashy_apple

The price of mortality.

2008-09-17T20:12:37Z

Title: The price of Mortality.
Author: Slashy_apple
Pairings: Zacky/Syn and another eventually.
Rating: X
POV: Third person.
Summary: It's the middle of the city of evil tour and the band are as wild and carefree as ever in the public eye. However, will some bad decisions and a horrible twist of fate change their shallow view of life?
Authors note: I really have been trying my best in regards to getting this re-written, so please just bear with me!

Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four (I II)

"Get your cock out of my face you fucking lunatic." Syn can't help the small smile that washes over his features and which feels depressingly foreign to his muscles.

Jimmy cackles and thrusts his hips towards Syn's sitting form once more before settling himself next to the guitarist in his bunk and slinging one skinny arm around the others shoulders.

It has been precisely forty three and a half minutes since the little meeting in the main room of the bus and Rev has decided that he had better try and cheer Syn up at least a small bit for Zacky's sake.

"So how you doin' buddy?" Syn's posture immediately becomes defensive, a blank, dark glaze shuttering his eyes and his feelings from his friend.

"Just fine man. Why shouldn't I be doing just fine?" The frosty bite to his words and hard glare tells the drummer not to point out the obvious, so instead he sighs in defeat and removes his arm from around the other man.

"Whatever dude. I'm just wondering how your doin' is all. Not that I'd even need to ask if I fucking ever saw you anymore, but, whatever." And with that he leaves to pack his overnight bag.

Zack wanders slowly through the halls of the swanky hotel, looking around at all the expensive abstract art on the walls and hoping he's going in the right direction of his room.

The whole way he's come so far he has seen not one other person, nor heard a sound. The hotel feels empty, isolated. It feels lonely. Zack's own bitter laughter at the familiarity of those words pierces the silent air around him.

Then Zack hears an elevator door ping in the hallway he just passed through and suddenly, all notions of self pity are forgotten.

His heart beats thickly in his chest as an unwelcome, uneasy and completely unjustified feeling thrums through his veins. Like that one you get when you're walking home alone from work on a dark winters evening and there's that constant feeling of someone following you.

Zack throws a short look over his shoulder at the dark red corridor, all the while mentally laughing at his ridiculous paranoia, but still being unable to slow his ever increasing footsteps.

He reaches into his back pocket to fish out the key card Matt had given him to check his room number once more.

304

He glances quickly at the rooms surrounding him. 289, 290. Just a couple more seemingly endless hallways to go and he should be there.

Who did Matt say Zack was rooming with again? Or did he even say. Maybe that was who was getting out of the elivator.

Zack gets a funny feeling the second he thrusts his key card into the slot. A vicious shiver races down his spine and as he throws open the heavy wooden door he realizes why.

His heart skips a beat like it does every time Zack sees him, and then a second time in disappointment at the look on Syn's beautiful face as he glances up to the doorway.

"O-oh..sorry. I'll go.. go get a new room or something." Zack's about to back out of the room with his head remaining bowed low when a rough hand on the small of his back startles him and a deep gravely voice growls right into his ear "Oh no you don't baker. Talk to him." And with that Zack is shoved forward into the room, hard so he lands pathetically on his hands and knees onto the red carpet, his backpack tumbling over his head.

He hears Matt shut the door firmly behind him and makes no attempt to move, the burning pain of his knees from the harsh fall onto the carpet going unnoticed for the burn of humiliation rising steadily on his pale face.

Zack waits there, on his hands and knees, for Syn to speak. For him to at least move. He waits in uneasy silence with his eyes stinging and his heart aching, not that any of these feelings are much of a change and suddenly there's a rustle of clothing as Syn rises to his feat.

Zack flinches and tenses up as he approaches, expecting some form of fully deserved physical abuse which Syn has never given, and wouldn't ever even dream about giving to his other half (if not in life then on stage performing).

But instead, Syn slowly kneels down in front of Zack's broken form, removing the others backpack to throw it carelessly in a corner and then there's a soft hand on Zack's crimson, tear streaked face, stroking, tracing every line and curve lovingly.

Zack ignores his instinct to stiffen up in total and utter shock at the fact that Brian has indeed emerged somehow and instead he embraces this form of comfort that his body, mind and soul has been craving desperately for days.

He nuzzles his face against Brian's smooth palm, whimpering a little in satisfaction at this simple action when what he really wants to do is crawl into the others lap and hold him for as long as humanly possible, his fingers clenching a little in the carpet from the strength of his desire.

Brian chuckles softly as his thumb smooths across a dark trim eyebrow, the palm of his hand resting against a now pale, plump cheek while his long fingers stroke sensitive skin behind a pierced ear.

Zack lifts his head in surprise at this noise and is met by amazing dark eyes and an easy smile which stays firmly in place as Brian leans forward to bestow a mind boggling kiss on him.

As much as Zack's logical thought and reason screams in outrage and attempts to tear his lips away from those of his love, he just can't bring himself to deprive his battered and worn out heart of this so he presses back into the soft lip-lock.

Brian's lips are so, so tender in their administrations that Zack wants to weep but he doesn't get the chance to dwell too much on anything as suddenly his mouth feels cold as the other pulls away from him.

It's not all bad though, cause soon he's being swept up into Brian's strong arms off the floor and onto the double bed that occupies their room and the bigger man is bearing down on him, settling comfortably between his legs and reattaching their lips.

Needless to say, Zack stiffens fully within seconds but the thick potent desire that grips them both doesn't have an effect on the sweet delicate kiss which continues to defrost Zack's numb heart.

It's when Brian starts rocking his hips slowly and steadily against his, grinding their erections in such a deliciously teasing manner that Zack really starts to lose his mind.

His breaths turns to shallow pants as his arms wind slowly around the other mans neck, hands stroking through long dark hair and he uses his feet on the bed for leverage to push his hips up, falling easily into his friends rhythm, as always.

Oh my god he thinks Oh my fucking god we're doing this sober for the first time in years... This is going to cause absolute havoc we so shouldn't be doing this..

But then the weight is gone and his fellow guitarist is kneeling up, his hands sliding under Zack's shirt, rubbing at his nipples in slow agonizing circles and Zack can't quite bring himself to think anything at all past the constant nnnnggh!

His hips automatically buck up into thin air(making Brian smile) and the rate at which his chest rises and falls continues to increase steadily.

With one swift movement Brian has Zack's shirt off and tossed across the room, causing the smaller man to squirm and cover his pudgy stomach in uncomfortable self consciousness, in turn making Brian frown and shake his head.

The lead guitarist proceeds to grab Zacks hands, intertwining their twenty fingers and resting their arms above the smaller mans head, crushing the other underneath him once again so Zack moans softly in relief and begins thrusting upwards.

They kiss and grind like that for long minutes, fingers stroking each others, things heating up and becoming gradually more desperate. Zacky eventually wraps his jean clad legs around Brian's hips, tugging him down harder, needing more contact.

Brian groans loudly against Zack's neck where he has buried his head, sucking at the sensitive skin there. He reaches down suddenly to grip at thick thighs, pulling a pelvis closer, rubbing himself against the other frantically now making Zack pant harder, buck harder, grip at the bedspread-"Harder." It's barely a whimpered whisper but It's heard.

Brian's grip tightens, his fingers digging in hard, his thrusts becoming jerky, his hips loosing their rhythm as Zack's back arches gracefully off the bed and he whines the lead guitarists name right into his ear.

So so fucking close... dancing there on the edge, eyes closed, mouths open in wordless noises of pleasure. Then.. click "What the hell are you guys-" All frantic movement on the bed ceases.

"Oh. Shit sorry." Jimmy scuttles back out of the room quickly, mentally snapping his own neck.

All that can be heard over the stark awkward silence now is deep heavy pants for breath. Brian keeps his face hidden in the snug crevice of the others neck and even though insistent erections are still pressed tightly together, neither man moves.

Zack's eyelids droop closed, a sigh of longing passing his plump lips as a soft mouth and a button nose begin rubbing affectionately against his skin, planting fleeting kisses and inhaling deeply.

Then, as suddenly as anything ever happens between the two, Brian's up off the bed and striding quickly towards the bathroom leaving Zack sprawled out over the covers, bereft and achingly hard.

Down in the bar of the hotel Jimmy is receiving a series of swift, forceful backhands to the bicep as well as a thick mouthful of grief.

"God you're such a moron." thump "Why would you just walk in without knocking?" thump "I told you not to even go in-"thump-"- 'just knock and ask if they're both still alive' I said!..god you fucking idiot!"

Jimmy catches Johnny's arm as it's on it's way back towards the now numb spot on his arm. "I apologized already. Don't even begin to think you're getting another one of those out of me in the next decade. So just drop it."

Johnny huffs and snatches his arm back off the drummer, Matt all the while looking deeply displeased and contemplative.

"I don't really see why it's a bad thing that you stopped them. We put them in a room together so they could talk, maybe get a chance to sort their shit out some. Not so they could dry hump each other all the way to two pairs of creamed pants and another week of hell."

Johnny rolls his eyes and huffs a little more while side glancing Jimmy who seems to be pondering deeply(as usual).

It's another five minutes and another round of shots before the tall man speaks again. "I say we wait for a while. Gauge their reaction to today, just let them be them on their own for a while."

Silence. And an epically confused looking vocalist.

"Sorry...what? That's not going to do us any good at all, just this morning you were saying how we needed to take action fast and now you're saying we do nothing?"

Johnny, remaining in the indifferent state that tends to overrule the majority of his input most of the time, just listens.

Jimmy regards Matt with that slightly infuriating air of superiority and higher intelligence mixed with a small hint of understanding which makes Matt feel like a child. "Yeah, but that was before they got all sexy 'n shit while sober. They haven't done that in years." A knowing smile follows this statement so Matt just decides to give up.

"Kay dude. You win, you're officially in charge. Although how you know so much about their relationship both intrigues and creeps me out a little."

When Brian returns from the bathroom he finds Zack sound asleep in the large bed, his breathing deep and steady, his mouth open slightly. He looks so achingly adorable that Brian has to suck his bottom lip into his mouth for fear of cooing out loud and waking the sleeping beauty.

He leans down ever so slowly to place the lightest of kisses on the others lips and his heart sores and his soul sings when the other sighs contentedly and murmurs a quiet 'Bri' in his sleep.

He has to catch himself quickly though with a worried frown, as he fully thought he would not be emerging from that bathroom the sappy lovesick Brian, but the indifferent uncaring Syn. Although, these days, he himself isn't even sure who of the two he is and when, which deeply concerns him.

Brian has been emerging more and more frequently lately, and for no apparent reason at all, today being one of the prime examples.

So against his better judgment, and even though he knows it's going to hurt later and even now, Brian sits beside the bed crosslegged on the floor and watches as the other man sleeps peacefully.

The price of mortality.

2008-09-17T18:54:06Z

"Matt, you really gotta calm down." A horse voice pipes up cautiously causing the older man to puff out a sigh. "I know dude, I just can't help it." He turns his head to look around the bus, Zack, nowhere to be seen. Brian just having stormed out of the room for no obvious reason and Jimmy sitting quietly in the corner staring off into space.

Matts posture is slackened by his one recurring and devastating thought which he now chooses to voice in a meek and unsettling uncharacteristic whisper. "We're falling apart here man. This thing is destroying us."

Johnny's brow furrows further, his heart clenching in his chest as he clears his throat briefly. "I know. Not to mention the fact that it's practically killing Brian and Zack."

This statement is met by a loud scoff and immediate re tensing of the hard shoulder next to Johnny's. "Zack doesn't give a shit at all as long as he gets his rocks off. That selfish prick."

Johnny swings his torso around viciously to face the other man, eyes ablaze. "Are you fucking kidding me Matt? Zack's devastated!"

Matt scowls.

"Excuse me? You saw the way the little fuck acted the morning after it happened, he's breaking Brian's heart and he doesn't even care!"

Voices continue to rise persistently, tempers flaring and opinions challenged. That is, until the noise gradually starts to seep through Jimmy's powerfully distant train of thought and the tall mans dazzling eyes flicker to the arguing pair in annoyance.

He watches them a while in grim amusement, thinking of how usually complimentary their attitudes are to each others, and only when he believes the issue between the two friends is about to come to blows does he step in with a thick and misleading air of nonchalant about him.

"What seems to be the problem here gentlemen?" he raises his voice just enough to speak over a comment Johnny is throwing at Matt which includes the words 'inattentive', 'ignorant' and 'moron', and as we all know, Jimmy Sullivan is never ignored, so they both halt mid-insult to glare daggers at their interrupter.

"This shit head here is blaming the whole 'Zack and Brian being fucked up' thing on Zack, when they're obviously both, both to blame and heart broken by this situation!" Johnny's face has gone an enticing shade of red at this stage and just before Matt can butt in, Jimmy starts talking again.

"Listen. Calm down guys, you two fighting isn't going to get us anywhere so shut the fuck up for a second and let me talk." His tone of voice has that perfect mix of authority and tranquility to it and before either Johnny or Matt even think to argue they are both sitting back down and looking up into the wise and slightly insane face of Jimmy.

He sits opposite both men slowly, seeming to think long and hard about his thoughts before he puts them to words. "I think.." A sigh and another brief ponder.

"I think, basically, that Zack and Brian are in love. I don't know what the hell else is going on with them, and I sure as fuck don't know why they're being so hostile with each other- "

At this point Jimmy is cut off by Matt's booming voice "Because they're not in love with each other Brian's in love with Zack. And who the fuck are you to try and tell us what's happening with them, you don't even know what's going on around you half the time!"

Matt is beginning to get a bit hysterical at this stage, he very rarely allows his emotions to take over or even be acknowledged but when he does, he tends to fly off the handle.

His accusation is met by a cold glare from the drummer. "You're gonna have to pipe down there Mr. Sanders before I have to do something about your blatant disrespect."

Both Johnny and Matt just stare, both a little intimidated and confused by the other mans obvious lack of sanity but it is only Matt who gets angry.

"I can't believe-" and the muscled mans words are cut off sharply by a loud thwack that seems to echo around the small room and bring all tension and anger to a shuddering halt to make way for deep shock that prickles just barely with a wry sort of amusement.

Matt turns his face back from where it had snapped to the right from the force of the contact of Jimmy's palm, holding his pink left cheek and stubbornly resisting the deep urge to chuckle.

"Now, as I was saying. I thought we needed to leave them alone, let them sort their shit out between them, I now think we need to take drastic action before the band falls apart."

And suddenly any minor dusting of anger that may have been lingering in the air before is totally gone for the deep rooted worry that settles in the stomachs of all three men.

"So, what should we do then?" Johnny asks curiously, having always been intrigued by the way the drummers complex mind works and mostly trusting his ideas.

"Well, basically, we know very little in regards to how they really feel about the situation. So, I say we start out small, something basic and see how they react to that, then we work from there."

The two men opposite him stare blankly, neither quite understanding the complicity of a struggling relationship, one from lack of personal experience and the other from being emotionally stunted.

"I say we throw 'em in a room together 'till they at least talk for a while. Any form of contact between them at all is a start."

Jimmy waits patiently for the others approval, not that he needs it to carry out his plan, but it would be better if the three got on at the moment.

"I'll ring the hotel and finalize the rooming arrangements." Matt stands to pull his cell out of his pocket.

And the first plan is put into action.

The price of mortality.

2008-05-13T17:34:22Z

Chapter four (part 1)

It was midnight by the time the band reached their destination. A subtle, yet classy, hotel located near their next gig venue. The long boring couple of hours that followed Matt and Johnny's gaming marathon left the awkward silence too much to handle with a sober mind, creating the perfect excuse for a drink.

Jimmy was first to stumble from the stuffy tour bus equipt with nothing more than the mismatched clothes on his back, claiming he was too fucked to even pack a joint let alone an overnight bag.

Matt was next, laughing loudly at something his much shorter companion had said, or slurred, rather, from his position over his shoulder.

And then came the couple. The first, still wracked with guilt and remorse, kept his gaze low as he fled from the bus and, once again, his fellow guitarist. The other waiting patiently to accompany his band mates to the hotel until there was no chance of catching up with Zack, providing himself another couple of minutes to stew in anger and confusion.

The couple of days that followed that one were somber. Zack wholeheartedly offering countless more apologies, Brian refusing to even admit he was in need of one. Johnny was concerned and fidgety, Matt constantly looking like he was starting to get really angry with the whole situation and Jimmy, as much as he really did care about his friends, just didn't seem to give a shit.

Now they are all back on the road. On their way to some state uncertain to any of them and taking a pit stop in god knows where.

Brian is leaning against the wall of the shop, smoking a cigarette in that unbearably classy way only he manages to do, Zack glancing over at him pleadingly but only being met with a sardonic glare.

Zacky's pride is truly buried somewhere in the dirt at this stage, but he really can not bring himself to care. Not when the heartache of hurting his best friend in such a way leaves no room for anything else, not even for the pining of the love of his life. So, he decides, on the burst of desperation that suddenly wells in his chest, to try one more time for the forgiveness he knows he doesn't deserve.

It happens so fast that Syn can't remember getting from where he was stubbing out his cigarette on the ground to where he is now, around the back of the building with Zack clinging to the front of his shirt, pushing him savagely into the hard brick of the wall and breathing thickly into his face.

"Listen to me Syn." Zack growls at him, a peculiar mix of rage and desperation evident in his voice. "You have got to stop this. We have got to stop this. It's fucking stupid, so, so fucking stupid- I mean... Fuck!" At this a soft whine leaves his throat and he sags against his friends stiffened body in surrender to the overwhelming emotions.

"I-I can't do this any more yanno?" he looks up into Syn's dark eyes and notices they have visibly softened at his own blatant weakness.

"You're my blood man. My brother. I can't continue to fight with you like this and.. And I don't know what the fuck to do to make us alright again." The shorter man holds steady eye contact with his companion as he slowly but surely feels his damn begin to break once again.

Brian watches blankly the slow drip of big, wet tears down his friends pale face. They're those huge fat ones too, the ones that streak all the way down to the base of someones neck and below to soak into clothing. Brian's general perception of these tears is that they indicate the crier is really upset.

Brian watches, but doesn't move. Doesn't take his love into his arms and comfort him like he wants to, he doesn't swallow the hitches of breath coming from plump lips with his own mouth like he wishes he could more than anything. Brian doesn't even offer a friendly hug as the smaller body in front of him sways and arches slightly in his direction, seeking and begging for any physical form of comfort. He denies himself all of this because of Syn and his pride, the bastard he himself created unaware.

His heart slowly breaks as he pushes Zack away from his chest and watches the crestfallen look that passes over his beautiful, tear streaked face, the way his trembling lower lip tugs down at the corners until his face is even more wet.

"Don't worry about it dude, seriously. And for fucks sake would you ever stop crying, you're like a god damned child." Brian grimaces inwardly at the harshness of his own words and makes damn sure he doesn't stick around to see the reaction Zack has to his cruelness, he also prays that he will be able to forget the soft noise of utter turmoil that his ears just manage to pick up as he walks away.

It's much later in the evening when the band finally muster up the courage and strength to get back on the stuffy bus. Rev continues to wander aimlessly around the small vehicle as if he doesn't even notice how the air could be cut with a knife even though he spent the better half of his afternoon comforting a sobbing Zack in the restroom of the pitstop.

He could easily guess what it is that Zack was so upset about, but he sure as hell isn't going to ask, nor is he about to notify anyone else of the happenings. As far as he himself is concerned, it's nobodies business but Zack's and Brians.

Speaking for himself alone on that matter of course because it seems that no matter how hard he tries to subtly tell Matt and Johnny to back the fuck off and give the struggling love birds some room to fucking breath, they are just too dumb to get it. Either that or they refuse to believe Jimmy's acknowledgment of the situation, and if that is the case, for fucks sake. I mean sure, he's a bit of a waster, but it's not as if he's fucking incoherant.

So, Jimmy decides to waste the remains of the bus journey via observation. He watches as Syn shovels some scalding pot noodle shit down his throat absently, his eyes looking in the direction of the window opposite him, but Jimmy could bet he is not seeing, his thoughts too intense, all other senses dimmed. Then he watches as the brown eyed man rises from his seat, noodles forgotten, and strides from the room.

Jimmy watches Matt. Matt who is usually so calm and collected, never letting his emotions get the better of him jig his leg violently and clench his jaw on and off. Tense, relaxed, tense, relaxed. His thick lips set in a taut firm line, his brows furrowed. Then he would watch the singer glance to his side as Johnny mutters something to him, wide, worried eyes seeming to have a soothing effect on the bigger man as he would instantly relax into his seat some, only to start all over again once he has looked away.

And Jimmy watches the empty seat in the corner. The one that has Zack's acoustic guitar set in place next to it, a little notepad and pencil thrown down somewhere within reaching distance for taking notes. The one which hasn't been put to use properly in a while now, as Zack seems to spend all his time moping in his bunk these days.

It's then that it hits Jimmy. It hits him hard. And it's not as if it hadn't occurred to him before briefly or anything, because it has, on many occasions, but the daunting notion has never smacked him so hard on a sober mind before. This whole thing could destroy the band, and soon.

So it's at this point that Jimmy Sullivan makes a decision. He refuses to stand around and watch as two lovestruck idiots screw up his career. Fuck this, he thinks while glancing over at Matt and Johnny, If those two dumb-fucks are going to interfere they're going to do it right, and for that they're going to need my help.

Uncommon Nonsense.

2008-04-25T04:15:25Z

Title: Uncommon Nonsense.
Author: Slashy_Apple
Pairing: Matt/Zacky/Brian.
Rating: 18
Summary: A simple PWP threesome.
Warnings: Smut, fowl language and fluff
Disclaimer: Not true, don't own. Obviously.
Authors notes: Well first off I would like to plead with everyone who reads my story 'The price of mortality' to not hate me for my lack of posting and secondly I would like to give an explanation: Laptop got a virus, laptop got sent to shop for months, laptop returned swiped of everything. I have been having a really hard time re-writing the chapters =( So, there will be an update soon, but I'm so sorry for the delay.

"I know what you're thinking." A gentle voice whispers in my ear switching my attention away from the sly flirtation being directed my way and towards the source of said voice, meeting an intense emerald gaze as I turn my head.

"No." I state simply, completely aware of the dark intentions of my two irresistible obsessions.

"Please baby, just once more. I need it, and I know you do too." These softly urging words are made all the more persuading by the firm hand sliding slowly north on my inner thigh.

"No."

A whine of my name that sounds way too good has my eyes rolling at my own lack of self assurance when it comes to my boyfriend and his wants.

I bite my lip in contemplation, gaze flickering once more across the bar to deep, lust-filled eyes, then downwards to an evil mouth as a pink tongue darts forward to slowly, deliciously and most certainly unnecessarily moisten.

My teeth clamp down harder on my own lip, but this time my thoughts are far from contemplative as my mind starts to prematurely race with ideas-positions-pure filth, and my better half cups the ever growing bulge in my ever tightening jeans.

I watch it spread across the face before me the exact moment I feel it against my neck, the simultaneous smirk of victory from the two counterparts. And that's when my head overrules my heart, and my bigger head.

The ride back to the hotel is intense. The hot, sticky air in the taxi filled with anticipation and pure concentrated need.

I keep my eyes on the road in front of me and away from the two deviants sitting on either side of me as a feeble attempt of controlling myself for the remains of the short journey.

That is, until, I feel my boyfriends slightly plump fingers on the side of my face and my head is once again turned his way.

A flash of dazzling green and a small, almost shy, smile is all it takes before I'm leaning in slowly for a soft kiss.

It's lazy and deep and fueled to the brim with hungry passion even before I open my mouth wide to suck in a velvety tongue, dragging a gentle moan from the lips against mine.

Even as I think of all the kinds of pure contentedness I am in, sharing this moment of saturated sloth with my baby, it gets impossibly better as I feel thick, hot breath on the back of my neck seconds before there are sharp teeth nipping at the sensitive flesh.

The plea for attention is ignored but goes in no way unnoticed as I press into the kiss a little more firmly now, a little more controlling, as I lean slightly over the raven haired beauty below me. My raven haired beauty.

The lithe body now behind me whines against my neck from lack of attention and presses up against my side, sucking on my earlobe and grinding into my hip in a desperate attempt to be noticed.

I let out a throaty chuckle while pulling away from my boyfriend slowly, leaving trails of saliva running between our lips and am about to turn around to the mouth now sucking gently at that spot just under the hinge of my jaw when the taxi comes to an abrupt stop.

I throw a sinful amount of money at the driver and hastily, yet calmly enough to maintain my dignity, get out of the taxi and await my friends.

Once we've all disembarked and I have briefly disregarded the driver with a wave of my hand as he yells something about my change, all three of us make straight for the elevator visible on the other side of the heavy revolving glass door.

I press the button for the third floor, fidgeting and sending totally undeserved glares at the woman that is currently preventing any elevator action the whole 10 seconds it takes for the doors to bing back open and a large number 3 to be revealed on the opposite wall.

Zacky and I all but scramble out of the metal box and proceed swiftly in the direction of our room, being followed closely by our somewhat intruder who doesn't quite know his way, all the while making sure to keep our eyes off each other until we have some form of privacy.

I shove the key card into the slot and tug it back out eagerly, earning an impatient whine from both men hovering behind me as the little light at the side of the slot turns red.

I huff in agitation and try again, this time in success, and throw open the heavy wooden door, flicking on the lights hastily then turning around to the men at the entrance to the room equipt with a dimpled smirk and dark eyes.

Zack looks at Syn, then over to me and I can tell he's taking note of the distance between him and both of us and in turn calculating who is closer to get to.

So, I watch in a peculiar mix of jealousy and desire as my boyfriend launches himself at another man, throwing his arms around Syn's neck and savaging his thin mouth with his own plump lips.

Sudden overwhelming emotions flow through my veins, anger-jealousy-possessiveness, lust-need-desire, now I remember why I do this to myself at every opertunity.

I get off on the adrenalin, making the physical outcome a little more satisfying than if it were just Zacky and I.

I storm over in long strides and swoop the mesh of limbs off the ground, carrying my band mates to the double bed and dropping them there, glaring down at them sternly so they both stare back at me with wide eyes.

"Syn, over there." I gesture to the left side of the large bed. "And Zacky, come here." The tone of my voice says not to argue, so they both obey instantly.

Zack slides off the end of the bed and saunters over to me, not stopping until he's pressed right up against my chest and has placed a small kiss to the hollow of my neck. "Yes baby?"

He asks with a cheeky smile, swaying his hips a little in that slightly effeminate manner he has about him which I adore.

I grin back automatically, sliding my thick arms around my lover's recently skinny waist, absently fingering the skin on his lower back under the stark white shirt he's become quite fond of lately.

I lean down to nuzzle his neck, all the while letting the fingers on his smooth skin creep lower.

"How'd you wanna do this?" Watching briefly as my hot breath results in an outbreak of goosebumps over Zack's neck, I feel his body stiffen against mine and his heartbeat pick up dramatically as one of my fingers slips under his jeans and down the crease of his cheeks to caress the sensitive flesh around his entrance.

"You wanna sit on Syn's dick while I blow you?" A finger sliding in deep, a soft gasp and a slight bucking of hips into mine and I'm throbbing hard in my jeans. It's ridiculous really, how he drives me so crazy with the most simple of actions.

I start pumping my finger in and out of him slowly, absently. Enough to have him squirming sensually in my arms but not enough to distract him from my words.

"Or you could have us both inside you."

"One of us.. here." A small press against his prostate with the pad of my finger accompanies the word and pulls a small whimper from him. "And the other in your pretty mouth."

I give a long pause before my next sentence for the dramatic effect I love to have in these situations.

"Maybe you wanna watch while I fuck your precious Synny?" Glancing over at Syn still sprawled out obediently on the bed I see his eyes widen at my statement, while the gorgeous man I have purring in front of me goes still, apart from a small clench of arousal around my finger at the prospect.

See, the truth of the matter is, I've never actually fucked Syn. We kiss, we grope, but when it comes down to the actual sex Zack's always in between us somehow and that's the way I like it. Regardless of how attractive Syn is, Zack has always been the only one I want, but I know that for him to see Syn and I together would be something otherworldly for him. And I like to spoil my baby.

Suddenly the mood has gone from playful-erotic to serious and Zack looks up at me with wide eyes.

"You don't have to M." I smile down at him, removing my finger and bringing my hands around to the front of his body to start undoing his jeans.

I don't respond to his statement other than a quick peck to his plump lips as his pants fall to the ground and by the shyly gratified smile he flashes me I know I am going to be in for some seriously good appreciation offerings.

"Syn, shoes socks and hat, off." I bark another order while starting to unbutton Zack's shirt.

I don't even have to look at the man on the bed to know he's hard and willing. I don't even feel the need to ask if this is okay with him, because I already know he's more than up for it. He has been gagging for my cock ever since these quiet gatherings started happening almost a year ago.

Zacky and I are his sordid little addiction, it's filthy and wrong and almost humiliatingly intrusive on a steady relationship, and therefore so, so fucking good.

We control him in these situations, we could do <i>anything</i> to him and still receive a cry for more in responce.

Once Zacky's shirt has been discarded and his shoes and socks toed off, he steps out of his pants and skips to the corner where a chair already faces the bed.

Parking himself comfortably, he grins at me with such an air of excitement about him that I know I won't regret this later.

When I start advancing towards a shoe-less and hat-less Syn on the bed I almost laugh at how terrified he looks and how obviously hot it is making him.

Zacky has told me before that Syn is a complete masochist, which works out just perfectly for me seeing as I am the worlds biggest sadist and Zack himself is a bit of a sensitive creature, which means my fetish goes unpracticed mostly. But don't get me wrong, he's as kinky a bastard as the next man, he just likes to watch that sort of thing rather than actually participating.

So I climb, smirking, onto Synyster Gates, straddling his waist and sitting on his clothed erection to taunt him with what he knows he will never have.

He seems to like that, whining and bucking against me desperately, obviously more than a little turned on by my previous display with Zacky, and wraps his skinny arms around my neck to pull me down for a bruising kiss.

I hiss against his lips, biting at his tongue as he slips it in my mouth, hard enough to draw a little blood which has him bucking up again.

I growl. Half in disgust, half in arousal and pull away to look at my gaping boyfriend with his hands in fists on his thighs, restraining himself from touching his ever swelling flesh between them.

My dominant expression mellows once I meet his gaze and I have to keep myself from smiling lovingly at just the sight of him.

"Go on.." I urge softly. "Tell us what you want."

His eyes darken further and his left fingers twitch with the need to wrap around his length before he speaks in a voice thick with lust.

"Take his clothes off." So that's what I do.

Sliding his purple t-shirt up over Syn's barely toned chest I keep glaring eye contact with him all the while, making sure to let him think I'm much more disgusted with him than I really am and once I have ripped it over his head, I bare my teeth to him in a patronizing grin before lowering my head to his chest.

I suck a hot trail down the center of his ribcage, veering off to the side to clamp my teeth around his left nipple.

He emits a strangled yelp and arches against my mouth, searching for more deliberately inflicted pain. My lip curls against his skin in repulsion as my cock thickens in it's confines.

I start undoing his jeans now, a lot more horny, a little more desperate and do my best to bite at his protruding hip bone while I fumble with his belts.

Once I've got them open I move further down to nuzzle at his package through his bulging boxers and grin to myself as he stiffens all over, obviously petrified that I'll start using my teeth down here too.

I open my mouth to slide my tongue inside the slit of his boxers where I lap at hot flesh making the man beneath me start to pant slightly.

Then I sit up swiftly and draw both items of clothing down his legs, making sure to dig my nails into his skin as I go.

Once Syn's naked and I have practically mounted his leg, we both look to Zacky once more who has now taken hold of his leaking arousal, giving it a firm squeeze every couple of seconds.

"Now strip."

I bolt off the bed so fast I almost fall over myself, yanking my black dress pants off and easing the pressure on my dick before I even consider going near the rest of my clothes.

I climb back onto the bed and sit next to Syn's lying form once I'm rid of all clothing and before I even have to ask, Zacky's next order is sounding through the air.

"Blow him." Yet another thing Syn and I haven't got around to yet.

I watch as Syn all but scrambles up the bed, opening his legs, presenting himself to me so I am way too tempted to just go over and stick my dick in him.

But I don't, partially because I quite enjoy swallowing cock, despite what you may think, partially because I want Syn to be close to orgasm when we do get down to the actual sex so I don't feel like too much of a cheat, but mostly because that's not what Zacky wants.

So I crawl up on to him once more, running the palms of my hands down his sides and watch the shudder that follows.

I lap lightly at his slit for a bit, running my lip ring back and forth over it while I stroke the rest of his length with my hand, but I am quick with the teasing and swallow him down promptly for lack of patients.

I can't help but to take my own dick in my hand as I remove it from Syn's flesh and sink my mouth down to the base slowly.

The sounds around me turn me on more than anything. Syn groans loudly beneath me as familiar, soft pants can be heard from the chair in the corner and I struggle to keep my hand at a slow pace on myself, not wanting to get carried away.

I take note of how different Syn tastes to Zacky as I slide back up his length and suck harshly at the head, relishing in the displeased yet equally gratified moan that this action results in so I try for another by baring my teeth slightly on the way back down.

I get that half pained moan I was looking for and more as the guitarist bucks slightly into my mouth, his thigh muscles tightening in the grip of my left hand.

"Okay stop!"

I lift my head just in time to see my boyfriend take his fast moving hand away from himself and sit up a little, fanning his flushed chest.

"Fuck him now Mattie.. let him ride you."

So I roll over onto the flat of my back and wait. Having no intention of preparing a man I don't particularly care for beyond friendship, not that I recon he will mind so much, masochist he is and all.

"I.. I won't be able to take you without lube." The first words of the night spoken from our dark eyed companion, I realize. Spoken quite hesitantly too, like he would rather not be recognized as anything more than an object.

I am about to answer him when two small foil packets land on my chest. I throw my triumphant looking boyfriend a wink before tearing open the condom and rolling it onto myself.

Meanwhile, Syn straddles my thighs and gets to work on lubing me up.

I groan from the first touch of my erection all night as he continues to run his rough hand up and down my length.

My impatience gets the better of me once again as I grab the backs of his thighs and pull him forward so he's positioned perfectly over me and I pant slightly at the image.

Syn gives himself barely a moment to prepare himself before he's pushing down slowly, his hands braced on my chest.

I keep my eyes trained on his face, watching for any signs of severe pain while his are squeezed tight, his perfect teeth sinking into his thin lower lip, a look of pure concentration crossing his features.

I start jacking him off slowly as my eyes roll in my head from the heat ever so slowly engulfing me and almost wince myself at the extreme pain this must surely be causing the lithe man above me judging by how severely tight he is.

His hips finally meet mine with a long sigh from him and a small grunt from me.

And then he's off. No moment to settle himself, not even a build up, just straight into a harsh, deep pattern.

I moan loudly and grip his hip tightly in my unoccupied hand, watching as his head droops forward onto his chest and he starts emitting unmistakeably pleased whines from the back of his throat.

Syn's fingers tighten on my chest as he grinds down harder onto me. "Oh god, shit." I smirk in appreciation, always one for vocal partners and start bucking up into him.

He really likes that. Making serious amounts of noise now with every movement which only turns me on further.

My whole body thrums in pleasure, waves of ecstasy rushing through my veins and I relax into it, allowing it to pull me below the surface so I'm drowning in pure, unproblematic bliss.

My stomach muscles start to twitch with impending orgasm after only a couple of minutes of this so I let go of his leaking cock momentarily to try to angle the direction of my thrusts.

I pull his hips forward a bit more, disturbing his rhythm and thrust back into him, making his body jolt and spasm slightly. I always did have great aim.

He lets out a loud noise of deep satisfaction and leans backwards over my legs, holding himself up with his hands by my ankles and throwing his head back, moaning and begging like a whore.

My breath catches in my throat at the sight of Synyster Gates letting go so completely, and I am suddenly glad for this decision for reasons other than making Zacky happy.

I start moving a bit faster, almost there now, bouncing the body on my lap almost violently, letting my hands snake lower to rake at his thighs.

I pant harder and increase my pace, suddenly letting my head fall to the side to witness an act that nearly makes me shoot my load. Zacky has his legs spread over the arms of the chair, both his hands between them as he fucks himself deep with three fingers while jacking off furiously.

"Don't you dare come Zee." I growl out, drawing Syns attention toward Zack aswell.

"Fuck! Matt, please. Touch me please!" I do as requested, feeling Syn start to convulse around me just before he lets out a virtual yell and spurts over my stomach and chest.

My neck snaps back and I keep my eyes trained on Zacks as I come hard into Syn, my senses ablaze, riding out our last waves with a few final hard thrusts.

Syn collapses back with an exasperated 'Jesus Christ!' making me chuckle through my own post orgasmic euphoria.

I smile lazily over at Zack while removing the condom and placing it knotted on the bedside table. "M'ere babe." Zack takes his hands away from himself and hobbles awkwardly over to the bed, sporting some serious wood.

Syn moves himself around so he's lying in the correct direction on the bed and manipulates the smallest of us so he's straddling his upper body before taking Zacky down his throat.

Zee whimpers and grasps at the bedclothes by Syn's hips as I move up behind him, spread his cheeks apart and breath right onto his entrance.

"Did you like that little porn show we put on for you baby?" I ask, flickering my tongue out to lightly lap at his flesh.

"Mmmph...fuck-yes." Is his choked responce.

"Good, 'cause if you come hard enough for me when you're ready, there'll be much more where that came from." and with that I thrust my tongue inside him.

He cries out, his hips jerking back against me, encouraging me to get in deeper and wriggle my already aching muscle, making little circles like I know he loves.

Syn continues to suck my Zacky expertly as I ease a finger into him alongside my tongue, finding his prostate easily.

He's trembling now, right there on the edge, so close to the perfection I love to hear him achieve.

I stroke a loving hand down his spine and all the way to his scrotum, messaging the area with my knuckles, and that's what gets him.

Zack lets out a long weak mewl that almost has me swooning at how adorable it is and comes tremendously, gasping and writhing for long moments before he groans and falls, spent, to the side.

I laugh and scoop him up, pulling him into my arms so he sighs in contentment and curls into my chest still moaning softly.

Syn suddenly hops off the bed after a moment of deep breathing and starts to dress quickly, as he always does right after.

"You don't have to go you know Bri." Zacky lifts his head to mumble sleepily. Another familiarity from just prior these occasions.

Brian just simpers as he steps into his shoes without tying them and grabs his hat from the floor. "I know Zee. Thanks guys." And with that he slips out the door with a sigh of disappointment from my boyfriend.

A small frown crosses my face as my heart sinks and my jealousy rises. "No need to act so crestfallen that he's gone Zack." A cold comment spoken in an even colder voice and he's shuffling closer to me on the bed even as I try to put some space between us.

He eventually takes hold of my face with both his hands after I decide to take the pouty route and looks at me with a confused frown etched into his features.

"Are you seriously trying to tell me that you're jealous of Brian?" A small flash of anger in his eyes and he contiues.

"We've been together for five years Matt. What the hell are you thinking?"

His eyes dart back and fourth to both of my own, he only does that when he's anxious. I sigh deeply and sit up, followed closely by Zack.

"I don't fucking know Zee." I rub at my face tiredly. "I guess I just don't understand why you need him to be a part of our relationship. I'd do just fine with only you." He stares at me in complete shock for a moment. And I start to prepare myself for a fight on the subject, hoping to god that it won't end in me being kicked out of the room 'cause honestly? It breaks my heart to spend just one night away from him.

"Oh hell, Matt. I don't fucking need him to be a part of our relationship, I enjoy him being an occasional part of our sex life! It's completely different!"

Okay he's yelling a little now, and I'm scolding myself for ever bringing it up in the first place.

I keep my eyes downcast and sigh again, feeling much too tired, emotionally and physically, to carry on this conversation.

A small, guilty whine from the back of his throat and I have two arms wrapped around my neck from behind and a soft mouth at my temple.

"Listen to me Mattie, I am madly in love with you, always have been, and nothing could ever even come close to touching that. You hear me?"

I nod slightly and smile at his words, unused to having such sappy romantic shit thrown at me. Despite the physically lovey-dovey relationship we have, we tend not to voice our deep feelings to each other, or anyone for that matter, often. And it's nice to hear.

"We don't even have to include him in things anymore if that's what you want." My smile morphs into a teasing grin as I turn to face him.

"I thought you said this was gonna be the last time anyway." I raise my eyebrows and Zack gives a slightly relieved laugh.

"Yeah but I always say that." I press my upturned mouth to his in a chaste kiss.

"C'mon you sappy motherfucker, let's go to bed. I'm wrecked." That earns me a playful punch to the shoulder as Zack crawls between the soft hotel sheets.

I follow closely and pull his smaller body towards me, squeezing him tight for an affectionate moment before rolling onto my back.

Zack crawls up onto my chest as expected and tucks his head into my neck. I just wrap my arm around his waist and kiss his raven hair and think of how immensely lucky I am to be curling up to sleep with this amazing man at my side, of how I hope this lasts forever.

I'm on the verge of a dream when a small voice at my side rouses me partially back to reality. "Love you." I grin in that smitten kind of way that only he can arouse in me, and decide to reply simply. "Love you too sweetie."

I tighten my arm around him. Scratch this hoping shit, I know this will last forever.

The End

A short life of Tragedy

2008-01-22T20:48:53Z

Title: A short life of Tragedy.
Author: Slashy_Apple
Pairing: It was Zacky/Syn when I wrote it, but I guess it could be any pairing
Rating: Oh jese, pg? maybe R.
POV: First person. I was thinking Zackys.
Summary: Something kinda sad about, the way that things have come to be, desensitized to everything, what became of subtlety?
Disclaimer: Not true, obviously. and the summary belongs to Tool.
Authors notes: This is a short one shot that I wrote today, it's pretty sad but sorta happy too! Sorry for the huge delay on my story 'The price of mortality' to everyone who reads btw, I'm having major writers bock with it.

I lie here alone on the bed that we once shared. Silent tears of utter despair running rapidly down my recently unhealthily pale face. My chest feels as though it's caving in on itself, a powerful suction from deep in my core crushing my ribs and lungs, pulling everything inward.

My heart throbs slowly in pain, unwillingly beating, sending unwanted life through my veins and keeping me unfortunately alive, merely a necessary muscle now as it no longer beats for you.

My soul howls out in agony at the fresh wound created by being brutally ripped in two, having it's other half torn away. The cold shadow of your soul, it's recently missing piece, looming in it's presence.

The tears keep falling, like a never ending torrent, eventually dripping off my chin and onto my heavily soaked pillow, the pillow that hasn't been dry since your scent faded from the fabric.

My head screams vicious words, at god, at the world, at cruel fate, at anything I can think of for taking you away from me, but just as quickly, the loathing shrieks of stark venomous hatred turn to sorrow filled wails of pure gut wrenching despair for the loss of my love, my everything.

And there's that chest ache again, denying my lungs oxygen and causing an increase in the intensity of my blatant display of emotion. My head throbs in pain from lack of sleep and food, my stomach burns from the overdose of zolpidem and painkillers that just doesn't seem to be working and my whole body aches from deprivation of the one thing that was ever capable of making me happy, deprivation of you.

It only takes one last clench of my blood muscle for me to decide and as I rise slowly from our bed, the mere feeling of my muscles working again is strangely foreign, as nothing but the thought of my present goal has given me even the slightest inkling of motivation to move an inch over the past couple of days.

I walk numbly through the house that we bought together, every single sight bringing a taunting memory of times that we shared, something I will never have again.

I let out a short tired sob, my knees almost buckling with the wave of sadness the sight of the stairs brings as memories flash, one in particular standing out. The time you proposed to me, the time the joy of the situation and need for celebration left us just short of the bedroom and making love on the cold wood of the stairs.

I turn away quickly and make my way to my destination, an air of almost relief surrounding my exhausted emotions at the prospect of what Im about to do. I step through the door at the end of the landing, the freezing tiles against my bare feet not even earning a small flinch as every and any physical sensation is welcomed openly if even the most miniscule of chances that it would overbalance some of the overwhelming emotional pain exists.

I lean over the bath, twisting the handle of one of the faucets as far as it will go, all the while trying desperately in vain to block out thoughts of you, squeezing my swollen red eyes shut against the visual memory triggers that surround me and have my poor will-less heart breaking all over again.

As I wait for the bath to fill I rise to my feet once again, every one of my movements laden with grief as I begin to rid myself of all clothing. Your shirt, your sweat pants, your underwear, the outfit I put on the moment after I found out, whilst desperate to hold onto anything that would get me as close to you as possible, the outfit I've been wearing since that day, the day of dismay.

I place the newly folded items of clothing carefully down on the toilet cover, just like you used to do whenever we took a bath together. The beginnings of a pitiful smile tug the corners of my mouth as I notice that the bath is full and my escape from this unfamiliar lonely world is that much closer.

As I let my worthless body sink down into the freezing cold water, I leave the faucet running, hoping to flood the house and destroy the possessions that I once thought were everything to us, but that I now realize mean nothing without you here to share them with. I realize now that I could have lived anywhere, owned nothing and been anyone and not have cared as long as I had you and I now want to wash away any last remaining evidence that I cared about anything other than you.

That smile finally forces its way past the despair and onto my face as I exhale all the air from my lungs and sink down to the bottom of the bathtub, and an emotion that I was certain I would never feel again dulls the pain in my chest, hope.

I take a deep breath in, the uncomfortable feeling of water filling my lungs going mostly unnoticed as thoughts of possibilities occupy most of my attention. I don't care where I go now, I'm totally indifferent as to where or when I will end up, I just hope and pray with every last ounce of my rapidly diminishing strength that you will find me somewhere along the way.

I run my thumb along the thin silver band resting snugly on my left ring finger and silently scold the piece of metal, as no object could ever portray even one of the many ways in which I love you. I never wanted either of us to wear wedding rings, but you did, and that's all that mattered.

My vision blurs and my senses fade and as I slowly start slipping in and out of consciousness, all I can see is your smiling face, all I can hear is your laugh and proclamations of love for me, and all I can feel is your strong arms wrapped tightly around me, protecting me from the rest of the world. I know I'm dreaming, hallucinating from lack of oxygen to the brain, but even in that knowledge, I'm the happiest I've been since I had you for real.

I can feel the life slowly leave my physical being and finally, after days of waiting, join my soul in death. and as everything gets darker and further away and I become incapable of rational thought, one last wish circulates in my mind. I love you so much sweetie, please find me, for even in the afterlife I would be lost without you.

slashy_apple @ 2007-12-25T23:33:00

2007-12-25T23:38:23Z

The atmosphere on the moving bus is exactly how it usually is the evening after a big night drinking. Jimmy's still asleep, fully clothed in material most likely covered in vomit or semen or a mixture of both, Syn's moping around the bus tring to hide both his hurt and his frequent side glances to the bunks where Zack has been lying for the whole day now and Matt and Johnny are sitting on the floor playing video games and trying to ignore the gloomy blanket of regret resting gently over the bus caused only by two out of five of the band members, but the emotions run so deeply that it seems to effect everyone.

"Oh my god, how is that even possible?!" Matt shrieks with a disbelieving grin that's met by a smaller, cocky smirk as both men watch Matt's character's head spin across the screen and out of sight within the first fifteen seconds of the round.

"It's called talent my dear Matt, something you will never know." the smaller of the two exclaims smugly while flexing his stiff fingers. "Ppfft..doubtful shorty, it's just cause you have such teeny weeny hands that can move faster on the control"

Matt chuckles heartily at his effective teasing and Johnny's narrow eyed expression before he feels a sharp dig in his ribs from the other's elbow ."Shut up you dick, your hands aren't that much bigger than mine.." Johnny sounds unsure even as he speaks the words himself and this only serves to make Matt laugh harder.

"Oh yeah, show me then." Matt holds up his right hand, his palm facing the other while trying to bite back his amusement at the smaller man's discomfort. Johnny grumbles, knowing exactly what the outcome of accepting this minor challenge will be, but remains unable to resist regardless, and presses his left hand against Matt's.

The larger of the two practically howls in delighted laughter as the others small fingers only barely reach past his first knuckle while Johnny just glares up at him. "Aww, you're so cute! Look how fuckin' tiny your hands are" Matt's laughter abruptly morphs into a pained yelp as Johnny's small fingers grab his own and bend them backwards.

Johnny grins at Matt's obvious pain and pushes even harder all the while keeping taunting eye contact with the tamed beast infront of him. "Johnny you little shit let me go!" Matt moves his arm with his fingers to try and ease any of the pain.

"Hmmm...don't thing I will Matt, I'm quite enjoying this actually." Johnny's smile is met by a scowl "Let me go right this fucking second Johnny or I swear to god.." " You swear to god what? What will you do Matt? I know for a fact that you won't hurt me cause you're a big flaming fagot for me and you love me too much."

Suddenly a huge evil shark grin spreads out over Matt's previously pained face. "You're right I won't hurt you shorty, I'd be too scared I'd break you in two. But I do know something you hate even more than pain" Johnny's eyes widen as he abruptly lets go of Matt's hand and attempts to scramble away but not before Matt manages to grab him by the ribs and start digging his fingers into the other man's ticklish sides.

Johnny's girly scream soon turns into a fit of hysteric giggles as he falls to the floor helpless, Matt looming over him with a satisfied smirk, half from causing Johnny this discomfort and half from that adorable contagious giggle of the smaller man's.

"Ple-...MATT!! stop..st--" Johnny breaks off into a fit of defeatist sob like laughs that almost make Matt feel sorry for him. Almost. "Now, what was it you said about flaming fagots? who's the flaming fagot for who again?" Matt continues tickling a now screeching Johnny, having to climb up and straddle his lap to try and keep hold of the writhing boy.

"N-no one...no ones a f-fagot!" Matt's grin widens as he leans his face closer to the other's and digs his fingers deeper into his sides. "Hmm...don't think so Johnny. I believe what you said was 'I Johnny Christ am a flaming fagot for you, M.Shadows.' is that right?"

Johnny, now desperate, his stomach cramping, gives in almost immediately. "YES...yes okay Matt..j-just let me GO!!" Still not satisfied with his answer and deciding to be cruel, Matt pushes the smaller man even further. "Say it."

"I'M A FLAMING FAGOT FOR YOU!" Johnny's screech causes a very confused looking Jimmy to stumble from the bunk area just as Matt's climbing off a wailing Johnny who lays wheezing deeply for a good few minutes before he even attempts speaking.

"Ah my fucking chest man..shit I cant fucking brea-" he cuts himself off with a fit of desperate coughing which turns him a little red in the face from lack of oxygen. Matt just rolls his eyes and scoops the smaller man out of his lying position on the floor and into a sitting one next to himself where he proceeds to rub the others back as the spluttering bassist hunches over and continues coughing.

"I'm telling you dude, give up the smoking." he mutters softly to Johnny once he's calmed down enough to take deep breaths. "Stupid fucking cough, would it ever just fuck off..." Is his only mumbled croaky reply as he continues absently patting his friends back gently.

"Ohhh shit." Comes a small sigh from across the room where Jimmy stands groggily, staring into space for a few seconds before he turns to address the other two in the room with bloodshot eyes and a hoarse voice. "I am soo brain dead guys..make me some fucking coffee, I can't do it."

Matt chuckles at his bandmates confusion while Johnny just continues trying to catch his breath. "You smoke a few too many last night man?" Jimmy sighs and shakes his head slowly as a reaponce "You have no fucking idea..I turned down like seven blow jobs to go outside and stare at the winking christmas lights."

A small eruption of laughter follows this statement from a genuinely amused vocalist and a drummer who obviously hasn't fully recovered from the night before as his laughter is a little hysteric and prolonged. This in itself makes the still wheezing bassist let out a small giggle.

"Yeah, well I missed fucking everything cause all I was doing was looking after this drunken mess here." It's only when Matt glances down at Johnny that he realizes he's still rubbing his back and swiftly removes his hand much to the smaller man's dissapointment.

Suddenly Jimmy cocks a confused eyebrow and glances around for a second before asking rather loudly "Where the fuck are Syn and Zack..?" then his features sink into an expression of realization and his shoulders relax "aaah, they fucked again didn't they...silly bitches."

Syn decides to retreat to his nice dark bunk for some much needed sleep after the second hour of watching Johnny kick Matt's ass at some video game. He didn't sleep last night, and not because he couldn't but because he wanted to watch Zack sleep. He wanted to treasure the moment with the beautiful angel lying in his arms.

So he sneaks off to the bunk area, sending a very strange look in the direction of Zack's closed off bunk, something between adoration and loathing as he wasn't quite sure which to feel for the raven haired man who has somehow managed to steal his heart.

Once he reaches his own bunk he glances out the small window next to his bed at the growing darkness of night time sweeping over the sky and thinks for the briefest of seconds how the light of the world somewhat resembles his own personality, as he is very much aware of his protection method.

Synyster Gates is to Brian as Night is to day. He darkens his personality to make it harder for others to see him, the darker it is the harder it is to see, the more upset he is the darker it gets.

He wonders what exactly Zack does in his bunk all day whenever this happens. He must be hiding, hiding from the shame and taking the easy way out of things as usual.

Brian has a sneaking suspicion that Zack has adopted his own method of dealing, by covering things up, and this only adds to the huge amounts of confusion Brian's already feeling as he's never sure that he knows exactly what Zack's thoughts on this whole situation are.

On one hand, Zack could feel something for the other but could be hiding it for reasons unknown to Brian and on the other he could feel exactly what he said he does, nothing. Both concepts bring a painful tug to brian's chest as he continues to just stare out the window, pondering this messed up situation that will surely ruin his relationship with his best friend be it sooner or later.

He wishes things could just go back to normal, he wishes he could stay up 'till all hours of the morning just talking with Zack like he used to before things got out of hand and feelings other than lust got involved. Now they can barely look each other in the eye without some sort of tension between them, it's almost like it was back when Zack wouldn't talk to Brian just cause he wanted to fuck him.

Brian chuckles softly at the thought, he remembers how perfect things were back then. Back before dangerous feelings came anywhere near the equation and after Zack got over his snit with him for being hot.

That period of time between where both used to practice music together, relax together, drink together and then go to bed together. It was like the perfect little fucked up friendship. 'Best fuck buddies' everyone used to call them. And it was true, they had the best friendship where they were practically joined at the with the added bonus of getting to screw around with eachother.

Brian sighs deeply as he remembers the night that was all ruined. The night he ruined it all by slipping up in the feelings that had been sneaking up on him for some months then, but that he had been persistently and stubbornly shoving to the back of his head, safely away from acknowledgement.

It must have been around a year and a half ago now, maybe two years that Brian let his emotions slip, and he remembers the event with a regretful frown etched into his skin

He had Zack on his side, moving his hips against the smaller man's, his movements becoming increasingly jerky and desperate as he neared the spectacular finish Zack always brought him to.

They were both only after a couple of drinks, nothing that would make a significant difference in terms of their sobriety even though it was a bit ridiculous at this stage, six years later to still be dwelling on the 'only when drunk' rule.

It was unusually slow paced and gentle tonight. No begging or teasing, no scratches or bites or even rough thrusts. It was slow and smooth, building them both up to their orgasms painfully slowly, but satisfyingly so.

"Brian.." Zack whined softly, gripping at the hand that was clamped securely around his body signifying that he was ready to come after all this torture.

Brian reached down to start stroking Zack firmly while burying his face into the others raven hair, nuzzling his neck affectionately while breathing in deeply, trying to capture his scent.

Zacky just increased the relaxed wiggling movements of his hips while letting out a few throaty moans, Brian panting into his hair an inch away from bliss himself.

It felt so strange that one time. Brian's whole body seemed to tingle and thrum with not only the anticipation of orgasm and stimulation of sensitive flesh, but also with the feeling of Zack's soft skin on his.

Not to mention, every time the smaller man let out one of his helpless whimpers, a vicious shiver would race down the others spine, one that wasnt driven by lust or desire.

"Oh shit...Brian.." Zacky's back arched into Brian, his neck pushing further against that eager, sucking mouth, and as he felt the raven haired man start to come, his own orgasm was upon him..

He clung to Zacks ivory skin, grunting briefly before he came long and hard into that small lithe body of the others. "uh....IloveyouZ.."

Neither one of the two seemed to realize what had been said until they had both finished riding out their orgasms, and upon realizing, both men froze sollid.

Brian just stayed where he was, beginning to soften inside Zack, his heart pounding in his ears while he tried to sort out his ridiculous thoughts and the meaning behind them.

Zack on the other hand, his heart soared as all he could think was 'oh my god, he loves me back.' he wanted to cry with overwhelming joy and regret all at once for he had promised himself a long time ago to never make an emotion based decision that runs the risk of leaving him distraught.

So he just laid there, waiting for something to happen, for the other to speak or get up and leave, anything. But the expected explanation never came, instead the two men settled back down into the bed pressed against each other much like they did after each fo their sessions together, only this time the silence was filled with an uneasy unsurety about what had been accidentally said.

As Zack lay there in Brian's arms, unable to sleep, he made another promise to himself, that same promise he continues to battle with, a promise that he's stop sleeping with his best friend for fear of the others blurted proclamation being true.

So that's when things went back to square one. Zack avoiding Brian like the plague and Brian feeling hurt, but not confused as to why he was being ignored like he had been years previous. He knew exactly what Zack's reasons were for ignoring him and he didn't blame him for them either, it was a stupid, stupid mistake on his part that needed fixing.

But the only response he got from Zack for his whole hearted apology was a shrieking bitchy soliloquy about how this was wrong, how that could potentially fuck up the band and how they could most certainly not 'fuck around' anymore if there were unreturned feelings involved.

Brian had just left after mumbling something about how he was sorry. Needless to say, Zack eventually gave into temptation and fucked Brian again after weeks of walking around with a practically constant hard on that only Brian could fix and that's the way it's been to this day.

Brian sighs deeply while laying down in his bunk, trying not to dwell on the stinging pain that shoots up his spine from his sore backside. He wishes this whole mess would just sort itself out, or that Zack would at least keep to the promise he himself will never be able to keep, as Zacky's the one person even Synyster Gates can't seem to control his feelings for.

Chapter Two

2007-12-12T03:48:06Z

slashy_apple @ 2007-12-12T00:55:00

2007-12-12T03:35:42Z

Title: The price of mortality
Author: Slashy_Apple
Pairing: Zacky/Syn, another eventually (within the band).
Rating: Varies from PG13 to NC17, depending on the chapter.
POV: Third person, and its my first time doing this pov so please let me know if I make any mistakes.
Summary: Its the middle of the City of Evil tour and the band are as wild and carefree as ever in the public eye. However, will some bad decisions and a horrible twist of fate change their shallow view of life?
Disclaimer: Not true, dont own anyone (I wish), dont sue.
Authors notes: Okay so, I lied by accident!! I really was going to update weeks sooner than this but something came up and I had to leave for a couple weeks. Apologies!! and it will probably be at least a week before I get another chance to update cause I have exams. Oh and here's a warning. WARNING: SMUT! Enjoy, and feel free to f*** me off for my spelling ^^,.

Note: I'm so so sorry for cursing on the page of whatever community you found this on. It was really stupid and rude of me and it won't happen again. Sorry again =(

Chapter Two

Zacky hides out in his bunk for hours. Regretting, promising and pining. Regretting that one mistake he can't help but to continue remaking over and over, promising himself that it will never happen again and in turn, pining for the gorgeous creature making that promise will prevent him from having ever again.

Zacky doesn't move. He couldn't even if he tried. His body has just decided to give up, to reduce itself to a lifeless dead weight consisting of muscle and bone and nothing more. What good is he if he can't even please the one person who's worth pleasing to him?

What good is he if he can't even man up enough to be with the one person he truly adores. His first love. No, his only love. He couldn't possibly imagine falling for anyone as hard or deeply as he's fallen for Brian. And although it happened quickly, it took the longest time to develop, making the reaization of all the pent up feelings inside him all the more intence.

And Zack remembers it vividly, down to every miniscule detail. With the smallest of sad smiles, he recalls the process that was him falling in love with his best friend and the exact moment he realized it.

It all started with three simple words. Three words that brought Zacky's personal beliefs and understanding of himself crashing down around his dazed form.

"Zacky, meet Brian."

Zacky had been in the midst of a half hearted conversation with Jimmy in the basement of Matt's house when those three words floated to his attention and a wave of excitement overcame him at the prospect of finally meeting the bands final addition and official lead guitarist.

The shorter man whipped around from Jimmy only to come face to face with the most breathtaking creature he had ever laid eyes on. His jaw slackened slightly and his mind swam with an unusual mix of desire and utter confusion.

The man before him stood at a fair height, a couple of inches taller than himself, he was well built with strong arms and he had the face of an angel, a small button nose resting between perfectly sculpted cheek bones, his thin lips curved into a small nervous smile, his huge dark eyes seeming to look right into Zacky's soul.

Zacky's brow furrowed and his heart took off at a gallop at the devastating realization that he had in fact just become attracted to a guy. What the hell was going on here? Zack didn't like guys. He was the straightest person around in is own opinion. How could this even be possible.

All of a sudden, Zack became quite nauseous. The mere prospect of being in any way gay coming as such a shock that he felt the abrupt urge to explode into some sort of strong emotion, be it laughter or tears.

No, it was just ridiculous to even consider himself gay. This Brian dude just looked too much like a chick with his soft flowing hair and his gorgeous big eyes which now gazed into his own expectantly.

Zack caught himself just in time after a good fifteen seconds of just standing still gaping in bewiderness at their new guitarist.

"Uhh...uh, h-hi Brian." He didnt wait for the reply that the other man had opened his mouth to give, but instead, he fled from the basement, uttering something about needing to use the toilet.

Once safely locked inside the small downstairs bathroom in Matt's house, Zack sank to the floor, his back resting against the wooden door and his head in his hands as he let out a long, calming sigh.

What the hell had gotten into him? Never in his life had he found someone so ridiculously attractive before, never mind a fucking guy.

Zack closed his widened eyes as an attempt at calming himself and pleaded strongly with his mind to stop the inappropriate images it was creating of Brian in the midst of sexual pleasure, his pretty face contorted in bliss, and in turn, had to plead with his body to not react to those said images.

Of course his stubborn emotions were no competition for his raging hormones and he was fully erect within a much shorter amount of time than it had ever taken any other thoughts to cause him to be before.

No.
He thought. You can not jerk off over a guy.

Zacky cursed himself as even as he was thinking the deny of his body's instincts, his legs automatically crossed and he wiggled his hips, trying to gain any friction he could without actually touching himself.

His mind quickly ran away with itself as his arousal built along with an almost painful throbbing in his groin and the most pornographic images he had ever managed to think up flashed behind his closed eyelids.

Brian writhing on his back with Zack thrusting fiercly into him, screaming obscenities about how he wanted it harder..
Brian on all fours begging Zack to screw him..
Brian sucking him off with that dirty mouth, sarcastic eyes focused on Zack as he tugged at that silky hair and spilled down the others throat..

An involuntary groan escaped Zacks lips as he bucked his hips up into the hand that had started rubbing himself through his pants somewhere in the midst of all these obscene but oh so fucking sexy thoughts.

Zacks head fell back against the door with a soft thud as his hand worked itself over his fully clothed erection almost fiercely, creating such harsh friction that he knew he'd be sore afterward, but he didn't care.

All he cared about at that particular moment in time was reaching the spectacular orgasm that was building in the pit of his stomach, not quite fast enough.

He cursed himself once again for giving into temptation so easily before he opened his eyes and hastily sat up straight, tearing at his belt and pants until they were tugged roughly to his mid thigh along with his boxers and he took a firm grip of his leaking arousal.

He didn't even bother trying to stifle his sighed moan of relief as his head once again fell back against the door and he worked himself at a fast pace, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip for fear of making too much noise.

His hips bucked up off the floor every few seconds and his eyes were squeezed shut as he tried desperately to maintain the fantasy that it was actually Brian who was bringing him such pleasure.

A few miunutes was all it took before Zack was coming hard over his lap, his muscles clenching violently and a certain name on his lips through the groans.

Once he had come down from his orgasmic high and the reality of the situation sank in, Zack blushed a deep crimson colour, even though he was alone.

He had just jerked off in his best friends bathroom over a guy. A guy he had just met to add to it. He shook his head at the surrealness of the situation and made a move to clean himself up, all the while thinking up an excuse to leave band practice before it had even started.

Once Zack had finally finished in the bathroom and made his pathetic excuse to his suspicious looking friends, he drove home and only managed to make the matter worse in his mind by jerking off several more times when he got there, imagining his name being screamed in a voice he had never even heard.

The next day when Zack had reluctantly shown for another band practice he kept his gaze averted to anywhere but the intoxicating beauty that had him questioning his sexuality, even when he found the mans voice to be just how he'd imagined the previous day, a deep silky tone that sounded better than the sweetest lullaby he'd ever heard.

The next few weeks passed like that. Zacky speaking few words to Brian unless it was music related, and even then he was distant, even though from what he had heard from his other band mates, Brian was exactly the sort of guy he got on with.

Matt constantly asked questions regarding Zack's unusual behavior but only received the cold shoulder from his best friend.

Brian was confused if not curious as to why he was being treated like this by a guy whom he didn't even know, and whom he found quite attractive if he was honest with himself, while Zack's sexual frustration toward the other continued to build and build until one drunken night, it all became too much.

"Hey Brian..." Zacky slurred through a yell from across the room. Brian was startled to have been addressed by the other man as he usually avoided talking to him at all costs for reasons unknown. He glanced shyly over at the raven haired man as an indication that he had heard him.

"Come sit with me will you?...I wanna talk to you" Nobody else at the party in Zack's house had heard as a result of the loud music and ridiculous levels of intoxication, so the bizar occurrence of Zack actually communicating with Brian civilly went unknown to everyone barring the two guitarists.

Brian, wanting nothing more than to solve whatever issues the younger man had with him, made his way from his lonely chair in the corner over to the couch Zack was occupying, resulting in a jean clad pair of legs being thrown over his lap the minute he took a seat. Fighting back a confused frown, he turned his head towards the owner of the legs, finding Zack's face mere inches from his own.

"You know what Brian.." Zack began with a sly smirk stretched out on his features.

"You are by far the sexiest thing I have ever seen...and I mean, that's why I don't talk to you, cause I'm not gay, I'm just not...well, that's what I believed until you came along..you and your fucking, pretty hair.."

Brian, upon realizing the reason behind Zack's apparent dislike for him, returned to the confident guy he was around everyone else from the shy, self conscious boy he acted like infront of people that seemed to dislike him in any way, and smirked along with his drunken bandmate.

"You know there's nothing wrong with being gay, right Zack?" Brian cut off the others continuous rambling which he hadn't even been listeneing to beyond the comment about his hair.

Zack stilled for a moment and let his alcohol clogged mind process the others words . "Oh I know that..I know, I'm in no fucking way homophobic, It's just I'm not-"

"-Cause you know I'm gay right?" Brian's composure remained cool, his deep eyes burning into emerald ones which seemed to darken with the statement.

"Y-you are?" Brian just noded his head in confirmation, filling Zacky with hope and reducing his previously confident drunken self to a nervous drunken mess! "Oh" and with this simple word, Zack fell into uncomfortable silence.

"So you wanna maybe go upstairs or something?" Brian coaxed gently, receiving a mere nodd as a reply before Zack was off the couch and leading the other eagerly to his bedroom.

Once at their destination, Zack ushered Brian in before closing and locking the door and turning to face the other man who was now glancing around the room curiously. "So Zack..I mean, did you really not talk to me just cause you think I'm hot?" Zack chuckled through his blushing and nodded, the alcohol in his system allowing him to be much more relaxed and truthful.

"I didn't mean to be a dick, I just didn't know what else to do. I figured, there was no chance you'de be into guys, let alone me, so...yanno.." he shrugged absently while taking a seat on his bed.

"Well I guess thats where you got it wrong Baker." Zack's pants tightened at the predatory look in the others eye as he strode over to where Zack was seated on the bed and proceeded to push him back into a lying possition while straddling his hips.

The first kiss was mind blowing, the first touch electric and as Zack lived out his persistent fantasy of driving into Brian's tight body over and over and hearing the other scream his name, they both knew it was too good to be a one time thing.

So that's how it happened. That was the very beginning of this long winded affair, and from then on, Zack no longer felt the need to avoid Brian like the plague, for he had already done the likes of which not talking to the other prevented.

They hit it off instantly during their first proper conversation the next day and because of the fact that both of them were pretty confident lovers and generally laid back people, neither of them felt awkward in the least about their private get together the previous night.

From then on it was history. They became inseparable best friends, two halves of the same whole, not letting their occasional fucks get in the way of their relationship and promising to only ever act on their mutual attraction to each other when drunk.

But of course, all good things must come to an end. And this good thing in particular, came to an end the night not so long ago, that Zack fell in love.

"Fu-uck..Brian!!!" Zacky's back was arched severley off the mattress as Brian slid in and out of his body tenderly. It was the first time Zack let Brian top him, six whole years after their meeting and that ment it was his first time ever having his spot stimulated. It was also one of the first few times they had had sex when sober, although both of them pretended not to notice.

"Feels good doesn't it?..let me hear how good it feels." Brian panted against the sweaty neck of his lover between the gentle kisses he continued to press against it.

The hands that Brian held above the other's head tightened their grip on his own as Zack mewled and writhed against him, bucking his hips wildly. "Oh god...god Brian it feels so good.soo good.. please!"

Brian let his head fell forward onto the other man's collar bone with a grunt, Zack's words nearly unleashing the orgasm he was trying desperately to hold off as his legs began to shake.

Zack, knowing exactly what was about to happen but being not quite ready to come yet let out a small sob like moan and bucked against the other even more wildly.

"No..no please don't come yet Bri, please...just a little lon-" he cut himself on with a long shaky moan as Brian reached down to wrap his long slender fingers around his pulsating dick.

"Come with me Zack.." He almost pleaded with the other as his hip movements became jerky and the orgasm that was opon him was pushed back painfully for the sake of the man beneath him..

And with that Zack came suddenly. His climax so intense it made his head spin and his muscles clench violently the sensation of Brian spilling into him adding to the experience.

Once they had both finished riding out the last waves of pleasure Brian disentangled himself from his virtually comatose friend and collapsed onto his side next to him.

Zack let out a long satisfied sigh and shuffled over to Brian, always one for post sex cuddling, where he received a large arm thrown over his shoulder and a broad muscular chest crushed to his body as a reply.

"So...I'm betting after that performance my ass won't be seeing anymore action from you. You'll be too busy screaming under me." Zack scoffed at Brian's teasing and lifted his head to throw some light hearted insult at him but the minute their eyes locked, his words got caught in his throat.

That's when it happened. That's the one moment in his life that Zack will never forget, no matter how hard he tries.

His eyes locked intensely with the deep brown pools he had gotten so used to over the years, only this time there was something different. It was like he was seeing Brian in a completely different light.

The tingly warm sense of pure happiness that was washing over his body in repetitive waves was accompanied by an ice cold sence of shattering realization. He was in love with this man. He was in love with his best friend.

Of course. It finally made sense, it was like all the pieces were finally put together in his mind. All those times he got the strongest urge to be near Brian when he wasn't around, that overwhelming joy he felt when he was given the simplest hug or smile from his best friend, those horrible yet unrecognizable feelings that rose up in his chest when he saw Brian with some cheap groupie. It all made sense.

A small concerned frown crawled across Brian's forehead as he watched his friends stunned, paling face. "What's wrong Z..you okay?".. It took a moment for Zack to shake himself before he could answer. "hm? yeah..fine. Give me a minute." and with that he leaped from the bed and bolted to the bathroom where he proceeded to have a self debate much like the one he had the day they first met.

Zack is jolted back to reality by the bus coming to an abrupt halt. Groaning, he wipes the tears from his face and flips his wet pillow over and stretches his stiff limbs across the cold bed.

He wishes more than anything that he could just climb out of his bunk and into Brian's warm arms. He craves Brian's touch, his scent. He even craves Brian's fucking muscles and feels a strong need to be pressed tightly into them.

This is all so fucking stupid. Why can't he have Brian, what is preventing him from taking him other than his fear of heartbreak? Synyster fucking Gates, that's what. Cause although Zack expects Brian is capable of committing heartbreak, just like any other human who is loved by another, he knows Synyster is not only capable of that, but is set out for much worse. He would reak destruction on his heart.

Okay, I know how horribly shit the spelling is in this but I'm in a huge rush so I don't have time to correct it. Sorry!

Chapter One.

2007-11-22T19:26:49Z

Matt lets out a frustrated sigh as he involuntarily awakes to a whispered conversation in the bunk below him. Great, Zacky fucked Syn again, today should be fun. He rolls over onto his side so he's facing the bunk opposite him where Johnny lies sleeping peacefully, his small facial features adorned by an even smaller frown, his body curled into itself snugly.

The beginnings of a smile flickers at the corners of Matt's mouth at the sight, which morphs instantly into a huge grin when Johnny grumbles something uncomprehendable in his sleep while wiggling around in his bunk.

Matt has always found the considerably smaller man adorable, weather it's merely to do with his size or not, theres just something so lovable about the guy. That combined with his youth and the fact that he and Matt have been inseparable since day one, makes for a very protective older friend, almost to the point of annoying the other, although mostly Johnny just finds it sweet.

The strongly built man rolles over a second time, so he's now facing the wall, and lets his heavy eyelids droop closed once again. The noise from Brian's bunk has stopped which probably means Zack left for his own. Should he go and comfort Syn? deciding against it Matt wonders briefly if the brown eyed man is okay, if he's somehow adapted to the other guitarists treatment of him, but of course he's not. Zack used him again, and it would be okay if the dismissive attitude towards the situation was mutual, but its not. Everyone knows how Syn feels about Zacky, regardless of how much he tries to hide it and Zack still fucks his admirer over, even though they're best friends. Matt would never hurt his best friend like that. Matt would never do that to Johnny.

Brian lies motionless in his bunk, his eyes screwed shut and his fists clenching against his waist. He did it again, he let Zack fuck him and gave into the temptation again. Not only that, he was the one to instigate the whole affair, the ridiculous levels of alcohol consumption providing him with the courage to act upon his persistent need for the younger man.

He wishes he felt the same as Zack. He wishes more than anything else that all he felt for the other was lust, animal attraction and nothing else. He wishes that when they had sex, it felt to him like the raw, dirty, desperate fucking it is. But it doesn't, it will always be something more, Regardless of how hard he tries to ignore the spark that's obvious between them, well, that's obvious to him at least.

Or If only Zack felt the same way as him, but tha'ts a hopeless cause and the constant disappointment is his fault and only his. Zacky has made it clear from day one how emotionally uninvolved he is in this whole fucked up situation, and yet, Brian still had to fall for him. 'I'm pathetic, why should someone as perfect as Zack even look at me twice? I should be grateful for whatever I get from him' His negative routine thoughts begin to circulate in his already confused mind, only serving to deepen his self loathing.

No, never again. His self promise seems week and he's already certain it won't hold as images of his beautiful band mate in the midst of ecstasy flood his vision behind closed eyelids. His whole body tenses even more, to the extent that some of his well built muscles start to cramp slightly as he tries desperately to fight off that feeling rising steadily in his chest.

No, he's not worth this. He is not going to reduce Synyster fucking Gates to tears. And this feeble attempt at self reassurance is lost in the sea of warm tears that begin cascading down Brian's pain contorted face, running from his dark eyes in an overflow of pathetic, unwelcome emotion, leaving in their wake, a yearning for the one man he adores and a dull pain in his chest for that same man whom he will never have.

**********************************************************************************************

Zack sits staring absently at the t.v. screen, his face blank, his expression most certainly not reflecting his thoughts. Johnny and Matt who sit side by side opposite the seemingly care free man, failing miserably at trying to decipher the mystery that is Zack Baker.

"Listen Zack, I know this is none of my business but-" "Yeah, It is none of your business, so stay the fuck out of it." Zack's snappy interjection of Matt's dearest friends words instantly sparks a deep anger within the large man.

His muscles flex automatically and the only thing that holds him back from jumping across the room at his arrogant rhythm guitarist is the small hand that snakes around his wrist taking a firm grasp as Johnny seems to predict his actions.

"You don't even deserve to be speaking to us rite now, let alone in that disgusting tone of voice you're using. You're despicable. I can't even believe you'de do this to him again." and with that one spiteful comment, Matt tugs his arm free from Johnny's grasp and leaves the room.

Zack fights to keep his hectic emotions at bay and his head held high, flaring his nostrils slightly and glazing is eyes with faux disinterest as Johnny observes him calmly. "I'm guessing you still don't want to tell me what the fuck's going on." came the shorter man's tired, dismissive comment.

Zack lets a false sneer pass his plump lips. "What's going on, as I told you the last time you tried to get all 'deep' with me, is, Syn and I screwed. Plain and fucking simple. And before you set off with your accusations, he was the one crawling all over me last night, he brought it on himself."

Johnny shakes his head disbelievingly. "You don't fool me Zee. Not for one minute." And with that parting comment, he too is gone, leaving Zacky alone in the small lounge where he instantly crumples against the couch with a long sigh, his head falling defeatistly into his hands.

It's pretty pathetic really, how he feels the need to act around his friends, how he can't just come out with the truth to the lot of them. But no, that can never happen, it would be too much of a risk, from every aspect. His head instantly snaps up, his body stiffening automatically into a strong, defensive posture as he hears heavy footsteps approaching from the bunks.

Zacky watches out of the corner of his eye as Synyster strides confidently past him and into the small kitchen where he pours himself a large mug of coffee, all the while ignoring Zack completely until he graces one word with his silky voice that is most obviously directed at the other seeing as there is no one else in ear shot for him to be speeking to.

"Coffee?" everything about him screams sarcasm, from his sickeningly sweet sing-song voice that couldn't possibly be genuine to his dark, mocking eyes, his thin, delicate lips curved into a devious smirk. Zack just averts his eyes, mumbling a quick 'no thanks' and letting Syn's sardonic persona guilt trip him even further, because after all, he deserves nothing less.

He notices Syn giving a chirpy shrug. "Fine. I just thought you would be tired after last night." although he himself doesn't even notice the severe bitterness laced in with the sly comment, Zack does. Zack notices, and he also knows it was unintended. The fact alone sends a sharp pang of guilt colliding with his gut.

Syn is breaking, slowly but surely, he's breaking. It's one thing to break Brian Haner Jr, his best friend, but to act cruel and malicious enough to break Synyster Gates, the beast, well that's a different story all together.

Zack can feel Syns eyes on him now, as his whole body burns with shame and regret wanting nothing more than to bolt over to his part time lover and embrace him. Telling him of how sorry he is before just bursting out with the truth.

But he doesn't. He doesn't because as soon as he glances up from underneath his curtain of raven hair and notices the other's smirk, his cold, emotionless eyes and his hard exterior, he remembers. He remembers who he's dealing with here. He's not dealing with Brian, the man he constantly craves with every fiber in his body, he's dealing with Synyster Gates. The heartless thing who cares for nothing but himself. The man who intimidates him beyond belief.

He silently mulls over the situation while being watched. It's ironic really, that the only time he can pull Brian out of the beast is during sex with him. That would be the only reason for his actions, to just be in his friend's presence without having to deal with the constant sarcasm and crude comments, if it weren't for the boiling desire and need that also drives him to take this man at every given opertunity.

He would be hard and ready for him at this very moment if it weren't for the sickening guilt overclouding all other senses. "I'm so sorry Bri, I really didn't...I didn't think and...a-and it shouldn't have happened." his regret is vocalized before he can stop it. Brian's the only one he would ever reveal his true emotions to times of despair, just like Brian used to open up to Zack, until Synyster came along that is.

His statement is met by a hollow laugh, one that doesn't quite meet the emitter's eyes. A cold, resentful sound, making the smaller man flinch. "It's not as if I didn't get anything out of it Vengeance. It was a lay." the dismissive attitude almost angers Zack as he thinks back to last night and even this morning when Synyster was nowhere to be seen and Brian had taken over for those few hours when he revealed all his true emotions, as he always does when this happens.

"Fine Synyster. I'll just let you be then." Rising quickly to his feet and ignoring the second eerie cackle from his band mate, he makes towards the bunks, instantly climbing into his own, turning his face into his pillow breathing in hard to try and tame his overpowering emotions.

This is so ridiculous. They're both playing the exact same game in regards to this situation, only in slightly different ways.

Zack participates by showing Brian exactly how he feels for him during their frequent love making sessions, but refusing to admit to those feelings once it's over. Just repeating the same old, wearying lines. 'I'm sorry. Its wrong. It's just sex. It can't mean anything.' Every syllable accompanied by a tug of regret for spilling such lies and seeing the look in his beautiful companions eyes as he gets rejected.

Brian on the other hand, spills all of his true desires along with his semen, the blinding pleasure of climax and the peaceful serenity of afterglow allowing him to speak of how much he really adores his lover. Then, in the morning, once denied and hurt yet again, he lets Synyster take over.

Once again the battle rages on in Zack's mind. He can't go on like this, hurting the love of his life in such a way. This needs to stop one way or another, and he needs to make a decision on what to do. One that will most certainly change his life.

Should he cease all contact with Brian, be left to crave the beautiful man for the rest of his life and die wondering what could have been, but at the same time sparing his dearest friend the huge amounts of grief Zacky continues to inflict on him.

Or should he come clean. Confess his never dying love and present his sensitive heart to the man on a silver platter, giving him the freedom to do with which whatever he pleases, but run the risk of ending up heartbroken, which he's most certain the long haired man has the ability to do.

No. Zack reaches his decision quickly on realizing the potential disaster him and Brian actually getting together is. He couldn't. He couldn't give the man he loves greatly even one chance at a relationship with him. He can't give his heart to Brian, because in doing so, he would also be placing it willingly in the hands of evil. Synyster Gates.

The price of Mortality

2007-11-15T22:00:30Z

Zacky lowers his voice to a whisper. "This has got to stop Brian. It's getting ridiculous." Brian lowers his head so the younger of the two doesn't have a chance to witness the pained look in his deep eyes. "I know" he mumbles to the hard bunk mattress. "But I don't want it to". A frustrated sigh is emitted from pierced lips as emerald eyes roll " How may times-" another, softer sigh as the embarrassed flush crawling the naked skin of the lead guitarist is noticed. "Its only sex, it was only sex Bri. It can't mean anything, it's not right."

Brian turns his face away from the other and wraps his arms tight around his waist, attempting to offer himself some form of comfort against the others harsh words. "Fine, I get it. now please leave." He lets false anger trickle into his words, any attempt at masking the heartbreak engulfing his tired emotions.
Zackys brow furrows in guilt and pity. He hates doing this to Brian, fucking him and leaving him like some cheep groupie, but he knows its the only way around it. He silently curses himself for being so stupid and making that same dreaded mistake yet again before placing a tentative hand on his friends large bicep.

Brian flinches away from the younger mans touch as if being burnt. Why does he let Zacky do this to him? If he had any ounce of self respect left then this crap would have stopped a long time ago. "Just get out" he sighs defeatistly, rolling over in his cramped bunk and ignoring that all too familiar lump that begins to rise in his throat. Zacky hesitates for a long moment, just taking the time to let his eyes wander the soft olive skin stretching out over the firm muscles of Brian's back before he eventually grabs his clothes and exits the small bunk, making a dash for his own in attempt to avoid conflict with his fellow band mates.

They all know. They know about his and Brians little fucked up game. They know how it means just a little more than sex regardless of his stubborn attitude and they know how much it hurts Brian when he's left alone every time. Zacky rubs his face harshly as he hopes to god that none of his knowledgeable and supposedly sleeping band mates heard the argument that seems to take place every 'morning after the night before', as he would never sleep with Brian while sober. Zacky sighs again while wiggling down into his covers, deciding to sleep away his hangover and the sickening tug of guilt in his gut that seem to come hand in hand these days.

He wishes beyond all belief that he could just rid himself of these feelings, not the guilt or self loathing that comes from repeatedly hurting his best friend, no, he fully deserves that. What he wants more than anything to get rid of are the feelings that cause him to leave Brian in the morning, yet, keep drawing him back to the stunning man time and time again. The glorious feelings he sees the need to constantly mask or disguise with denial because he believes them to be unnatural. The unbearably strong feelings he can't seem to extinguish no matter how many sluts he uses, or how much alcohol and drugs he takes. The feelings he has for Brian.

slashy_apple @ 2007-11-03T01:48:00

2007-11-03T01:53:09Z

Title:More than a crush.
Author:slashy_apple (me)
Pairing: Syn/Zacky
Rating:pg-13
Summary:Syn recalls the first time he saw Zacky. Fluffy.
Disclaimer:Not true, dont own.
I never in all my life thought I could ever feel this way.
I didnt even think it possible to have so many unfamiliar and unwelcome emotions chorus through me at one time, transforming my mind and thoughts into one huge ball of ecstatic energy.
I refused to believe in this feeling, the feeling where you so desperatly need to express your never ending emotions for someone, that its almost as if youre on the brink of exploding; this dence, concentrated emotion staurating and enveloping you, extinguishing all air within breathing range, leaving you suffocating and light headed. The overwhelming power of it all resulting in a compulsary release of the emotion, although it remains unknown to even yourself throughout the whole experience weather it will come out in laughter or tears.
I never even concidered the prospect of love at first sight to be true, I used to scoff at the mere mention of it in those corny rom-com movies. 'What a load of crap, you cant fall in love with a stranger' my previous, immature opinion on love at first sight is what has me scoffing now as I think of them.
I remember the day that all changed. I remember how all my beliefs and notions on the subject came crashing down around me, leaving behind a big pile of dumbstruck rubble.
It was in that exact moment that I saw him. I even stopped dead in my tracks on my path across the bar and just stared, the air was instantly knocked out of my lungs which then refused to work as I tried and failed to draw in another breath.
I remember how I started trembling, in both awe and shock at my own reactions, as I watched him make his way with a steady, humble gait from his table to the bar, curvy hips swaying slightly, his movements so graceful, he could have been floating through the air.
Im pretty sure I watched him for a ridiculous amount of time to be standing dumbfounded in the middle of a busy bar, still glued to that one spot as if paralised, continuing to just stare at him making myself blatently obvious to anyone who happened to bear witness. I only barely managed to tear my stubborn gaze away from the captivating being once the severe pounding of my heart in my ears had died down and once my mind had stopped screaming its confusion.
I also remember approaching him later that night, once I had made the concious decision to do so after spending the previous hour thinking of nothing but him, sparing sneaky glances in his direction every opertunity I got and coming to the reolisation that if I didnt at least make an effort to talk to him when I had the chance, Id regret it for the rest of my life.
As I neared his figure that had now retreated once again to the bar, I took in his appearance. His medium stature, his slightly pudgy features, his thick raven hair and my insides melted. Fuck, I had fallen so hard for this random nameless guy, guy being the key word as I hadnt even concidered myself bisexual at the time, I was confused to say the least but, as cheesy as it may sound, my heart drew me to him and all I cared about in that moment, amongst my minds hazy dazed state, the only thing I could confidently confirm that I wanted was him.
I remember shuffling timidly over to where he was sitting, surprising even myself with my sudden change of character from my usual outgoing characteristics, which only managed to further my sneaking suspicion that this was more than just a crush. I was quivering uncontrolably as my palms almost dripped with nervous sweat and I very nearly backed out a few times, but in the end, the overwhelming need to talk to him, to see his gorgeous perfection up close, to even sit with him and be in his company, it over powered my nervs and doubts. So once I had slid smoothly into the bar stool next to his and ordered a nice settling glass of JD, I took a deep calming breath and turned to face him. Once he noticed me gazing adoringly down at his hunched over figure, he turned his head a fraction in my direction and peeked up from underneeth his curtain of velvet hair, only giving me a slight chance to drink in those dazzling pools of emerald which were now eyeing me up suspiciously. "Um, hey..." I blurted out carelessly before I even gave myself a chance to think. A small smile graced his plump, pierced lips and he obviously tried to remain expressionless although an amused and slightly curious expression danced in his eyes. His eyes have always been his deception. " 'Um, hey' yourself" his pretty smile spread out more onto his boyish features, making my breath hitch and my insides knot.."I like your hair" were the next words his husky voice carried, and was the start of a night long conversation between us once an instant connection was made.
That was the first night Zacky and I made love. It was nothing like the usual nameless, faceless uses of reliece, there was an immediate spark the second our lips touched and the gasps of surprise that passed both our lips as he clung to eachother in desperation let us know we were thinking the same thing, of how amazing this was going to be. I remember how my name fell from his lips in a moan, how it had never sounded better, so beautiful, just like he was as his back arched off the bed and the sweat rolled down his ivory skin. I remember how his mere touch had my mind spinning and my skin tingling with fire. I remember how his gorgeous features contorted with pure pleasure as he came and I thought of how I had never before witnessed such perfection. And I remember how we held eachother afterwards, not a hint of regret to be detected between us, the air around us thick with lust and passion and sweat and sex and....something not quite tangible beneath, it was barely there at all, this unfamiliar feeling, but at the same time, we were suspended in it, we, because I was certain he felt the same.
Things escalatedquickly from there and from the very start of our relationship we were inseperable. Every time I looked at him I felt as though my heart was swelling and my insides bubbling.. not to say that I dont still feel that way about him, but now, theres not so much giddy exploration getting in the way, I feel it goes so much deeper than 'new couple' lust and admiration, now that Ive gotten so acustomed to him being around me the whole time. He means so fucking much to me, its impossible to describe. Without him I wouldnt even be me, I would merely be a shell of a man. He is my everything.
"Bri?" His soft voice stirrs me from my trance-like state and I smile down at him, shuffling even closer towards the centre of the bed so our bodies are pressed as tightly together as possible.
"Yeah babe?" I press a sloppy, loving kiss to his forehead before nuzzling my nose into his cheek affectionately. "whacha thinkin' about?" comes his inquisitive reply and I have to take a moment to think of how to answer him as there are so many meaningless things I could say rite now. "you. and the first time we met".

His expression remains the same, a small smile playing at the very corners of his luscious lips, but his eyes, those eyes that are, without a doubt, a window to his true emotions, to his soul, they light up and glow at the mention of that night. Zacky blinks up at me as I run my fingertips along the bare skin on his shoulder, tracing the permanent ink lines strewn across it. "You think some day youll maybe marry me?" I ask casually against his plump lips as he continues to watch me carefully, stern expression never faltering . "You think some day youll maybe ask?" We smile simultaneously against eachothers lips as we share a long, lazy kiss, a spark of excitement shooting from my heart, through my veins to every inch of my body and a shiver of delight causing the hair on my neck to stand on end. Zacky pulls away slowly and tucks his head into the crook of my neck, yawning and nuzzling his face into my skin, never failing to remind me of a kitten.

I want to say it. Those three words that are said too much, but yet not enough. The words that manage to somehow express all this fantastic emotion and crazy feelings that make me high every time he smiles, but also the words that are thrown around and made so cheep by people who couldnt possibly comprehend what it feels like to truely feel like this. I want to say it, but I know theres no need to. He knows. We both know how insanely in love we are with each other and thats what makes us so special, that we dont feel the need to say it, cause were both content in the knowledge that the other loves them. So I dont. I just hold him tighter, aware that he probably knows what Im thinking anyway. And as Im swarmed with that same feeling when he squeezes me back, I think, 'What a wonderful thing love is'.
Finito.
(Sorry for the shit spelling!!)